How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
