You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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