remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
