i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
