I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
