I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
