we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is Oprah even human
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
