Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
