so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
where are you?
Hypothermia
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
