sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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