Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
