And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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