hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
