OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
