At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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