They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
