I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
