Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
