I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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