HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
