I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
