Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
