i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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