I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
