I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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