Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
