So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
