She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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