God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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