I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
