yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
