Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
