he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
