My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
