When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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