Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
