Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
