I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
