Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
