The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
