and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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