You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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