That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
