I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
