She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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