I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
