Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
