he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
