i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
