just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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