"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
