I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
